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Joke of the Day
"*quietly tries to open bag of chips while fiance is reading her wedding vows*"
Next Joke
"""Talk dirty to me!""she begged. ""Alright,"" he said leaning closer, ""Volkswagon diesel!"""
"When driving: *shakes fist at pedestrians* When walking: *shakes fist at motorists* When running: *shakes fist at the murderer chasing me*"
"Opening a store called The Gorp! It's exactly like The Gap except we sell gravy."
"*describes my ideal woman to police sketch artist* ""And I need you guys to find her by 9 tonight cuz this buffet coupon is about to expire."""
"Nothing says rock bottom quite like having your head in the oven for 45 minutes before you realize you forgot to pay the gas bill"
"I hear that strong instruments are best at the inner city. You always hear the news say, inner city violins this... inner city violins that."
"Pregnancy I'm too smart to want children, but not smart enough to make *her* not want 'em."
"Bishop to the Pope: Congratulations on your name's day Your Holiness! - Pope: But today we do not commemorate the name of Benedict? - Bishop: It is the 16th, though."
"What is a Nazi baker's secret ingredient? White Flour!"