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Joke of the Day

"Sarah, i understand that you are a feminist... ...but you can't end your prayer with ""awomen"" instead of ""amen"" credits to an anonymous facebook post of which i was too lazy to read the name"

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"There are two kinds of people in the world: Those who divide everybody into two kinds of people, and those who don't."
"I'm old school in the sense that I always put women and children first. I mean, there could be spiderwebs."
"Why did the hick move to a toxic waste dump after winning the lottery? They heard it was a Superfund site."
"""Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain streaking"" [pilot darts out of the cockpit completely naked]"
"Is your refrigerator running? Because if your fridge is moving on its own volition you have bigger fucking problems than the goddamn election"
"Why did the airplane no longer work? Because it was **terminal**ly ill. I'll show myself out."
"How did Mace die? He was thrown out the Windu."
"What is a name for a female lawyer? Sue"
"Got this from my dad tonight...You know why they don't have CSI in Arkansas? They don't have enough teeth for dental records, and they all have the same DNA."