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Joke of the Day

"They say you can get to a man's heart through his stomach... Unless he's a vegetarian. Then you can get there through his vagina."

"What do you call it when a horse punches you really hard? A neigh-maker"

"How is a Christmas tree like a man who's had a vasectomy? They both have ornamental balls."

"It's looking like Hillary is definitely going to win the election I think I might move to Benghazi, at least she'll leave me alone there."

"When Copernicus said the Earth goes around the sun I don't think he appreciated the gravity of the situation. Science. History. Punnery."

"How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb? Only one, but the light bulb has to truly want to change."

"How are making love in a boat and Coors Lite similar? They're both fucking close to water,"

"I'm sick and tired of people telling me to turn off my lights to save the environment. I tried it once and I hit a cyclist.."

"Her: Why did you cancel your gym membership? Me: There were some changes in the vending machines that I didn't agree with"

"How am I supposed to make great life choices when I still use my fingers to count and sing the whole alphabet to see what letter comes next?"