173982

Joke of the Day

"How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb? Only one, but the light bulb has to truly want to change."

"My plans must be so fat they never work out."

"Row, row, row your boat gently down the stream.. Ha, ha fooled you, I'm a submarine."

"What does a witch take when she can't poop? Hexlax^TM"

"*buys 8 first class tickets, fills all of them with infants and toddlers* Me, from way back in coach: *cups hands* SUCK IT RICH PEOPLE"

"Sober me will always have your back.Drunk me will convince you to get a tattoo of a unicorn doing a dolphin over a rainbow on your back."

"Daughter: Dad, you need a smart phone. Me: Will it make my dinner? D: No but- M: Good talk."

"What do I get when u heat up sour cream? Just cream, it's not sour. -told me to by a friend. AP"

"What happened when the frogs car broke down? It got toad"

"If someone acts shocked that you haven't read a certain book, the best response you can give them is, ""Yeah, I heard it sucks"""