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Joke of the Day

"When Copernicus said the Earth goes around the sun I don't think he appreciated the gravity of the situation. Science. History. Punnery."

"Did you know Princess Diana was on the radio?!?! and the steering wheel, the dashboard, the windshield...."

"What's the difference between a retard and a baby? The baby has a soul."

"How do you get your dog to come? Fuck it."

"MILLION DOLLAR IDEA: An alarm clock that sounds like a dog's pre-puke warning grunts."

"The girls who don't get a rose on The Bachelor should automatically get a cat."

"What does a junkie use for protection during sex? a bus shelter"

"What do you tell a jew to shut up? Sssshhhhhh"

"Milk toast was probably named by same lazy guy that named the fireplace and waterfall."

"Give a man a jacket and he can leave the house during Winter. Teach a man to jack it and he'll never leave the house."