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Joke of the Day

"How am I supposed to make great life choices when I still use my fingers to count and sing the whole alphabet to see what letter comes next?"

"How do Eskimos make things stick together? Igloo"

"If your smartphone is wet.. .. put it into a bottle of rice. The rice will then attract asians who will repair it."

"I told my wife I was making venison for dinner.. She said ""oh, deer"""

"What do you get when you cross.... .... the DNA of a human with the DNA of a goat? Kicked out of the petting zoo."

"A Lizard lost its tail... but it got one back from a retail shop!"

"People who know me say I'm condescending. That means I talk down to people."

"I had my first tweet stolen so now I understand the pain and suffering the families of kidnap victims endure. Stay strong Amy Smart."

"My girlfriend used to do flashy shows on a chair for me. It was electrical."

"How do you make an idiot think he's a duck? Tell him he's a duck."