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Joke of the Day

"Me and my best friend reverse our cars everywhere together. We go back a long way."

"COP: Damn I left my regular handcuffs at home, all I have is these candy handcuffs. I trust that u won't eat ur way out of these CROOK: Sure"

"Neil Degrasse Tyson and Mike Tyson have something common... I don't understand what either one is saying, but I know I'll end up seeing stars."

"When is a parent like a child? When he's a miner."

"I'm going to just start biting the faces of people that stand too close during a conversation."

"I'm enthralled by curling. No, not enthralled. What's the word for interested in something, but not enough to look it up on Wikipedia? That."

"If Wal-Mart is lowering prices every day, why isn't anything in the store is free yet?"

"Thanks to the internet I know the actual medical terms for all the ailments that I'm positive I'm dying from."

"Why did the house go to the doctor? He was having window pains I'm sorry"

"What did the seal say to the walrus after dating him for three months? I think we should sea otter people."