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Joke of the Day

"birds can make their homes in tall treetops and soar at great heights and pigeons are like no thank you i will commute by foot to home depot"

"My wife and I have an ongoing game called ""Wipe Boogers on Stuff in the House"" that she doesn't know we are playing"

"This is a baby horse: it can walk 4 hours after it's born This is a baby human: don't touch its head wrong or you'll bonk its brain"

"I'm so hipster... I wear modern clothes before anybody in the future wears them as hipster fashion."

"What even is Atheism? A non-prophet organization."

"Did you hear about the magician that turned his family into a 3-piece suite but couldn't change them back? They were rushed to hospital where staff described them as ""comfortable""."

"Ever hear the one about the Chinese Godfather? He made him an offer he couldn't understand."

"Any skirt looks good on the back of the chair."

"Cupcakes are amazing, because holding a full size cake up to your face isn't socially acceptable for some reason."

"The doctor just told my girlfriend and I that the baby is coming early. Like father, like son."