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Joke of the Day

"""You're fat, you smell bad, your teeth aren't as white as they should be, and your genitals are pathetic."" - Advertising"

"I love how binge watching a tv show is now portrayed as a fun activity instead of an expression of deep emotional turmoil and depression"

"You know what keeps me up at night? Pauly Shore has turned down more hot women than I will ever, ever meet. Pauly. Shore."

"I hate having sex with my partner while we're camping... It's two fucking in tents."

"Do you know what a pirates favorite letter is? ( read before down vote you may be surprised) Well you think it be the rrrrrr's, but it be the cccc's.!"

"How do you pick up my ex girlfriend? With a broom and a dustpan."

"I don't care what your bio says. You retweet me, it's not only an endorsement, it represents the views of your employer."

"The door is closed? I want in. The door is open? I want out. Actually I just want to sit in the door frame itself. - Pets"

"Ever since I installed Adblocker Plus things haven't been going so well.. All of a sudden chicks in my area are no longer interested in me."

"I had a dream last night that I was a muffler Boy, did I wake up exhausted!"