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Joke of the Day

"I love how binge watching a tv show is now portrayed as a fun activity instead of an expression of deep emotional turmoil and depression"

"Jay Z and Beyonce had a 4 million dollar dinner with Obama.... Wtf did they eat? Fresh dinosaur?"

"I collect coins and old paper money. For our anniversary, my wife surprised me with a $1,000 bill! Unfortunately, it was from Fendi, for a pair of shoes."

"What's the difference between yogurt and semen? ~~Semen~~ Yogurt, dammit! I meant *yogurt* doesn't hit the back of your partner's throat at 30 MPH. \* I always mess up punchlines when I'm drunk!"

"Hell is having a married couple tell you a story at the same time."

"Toy Story (1995): A young boy's toy chest becomes possessed by haunted dolls, forcing the family to move away. But the dolls find him."

"I went to a Black Supremacy party last night, and I have to say it really wasn't all that bad. It was definitely cracka lackin'."

"I tried being polite by holding the door open for a lady She kept yelling, ""I'm peeing in here!"" What a bitch."

"Ways to know a guy at the bar wants to take you home: 1. He talks to you. 2. He buys you a drink. 3. That drink makes you REALLY sleepy."

"""The toilet's blocked pretty bad so I called the plumber. Should be here later tod-"" [Bowser spits coffee] ""Which plumber?"""