69739

Joke of the Day

"Told my wife I wanted our kids every other weekend and she reminded me that we're married & live together so I'd have to see them every day."

"Why are yachts and ships so scary? Because they're for boating."

"All day people keep mentioning the new 20 dollar bills I check my wallet everytime somebody mentions it and mine are all still Jackson."

"Religion is like stuffing dollar after dollar into a broken Coke machine and having faith that some day it will work for you."

"hey there delilah, oh shit no i meant vicky babe i promise you're the only one no this is not a hickey ?it's just a bruuuise ?"

"If Adrian Peterson is banned from the NFL, he can always try baseball. Who doesn't need a switch hitter?!"

"Wow, it's a beautiful day outside. I should probably do something. *closes the blinds so there isn't a glare on my screen* ~ Developers"

"What vegetables do plumbers hate the most? Leeks"

"A terrorist attack has blown away 2 local houses one made of straw and the other made of wood. Police think that it's probably a lone wolf."

"The Windows Update reminder to restart your computer is like a little kid. You tell it that you'll restart later, so it goes away, then it pops up again in two minutes and says ""Ok, it's later!""."