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Joke of the Day

"I'm going to hell in so many different religions."

"What did the dog say to the old tree? #Bark"

"Why did the banjo player get into heaven? The devil has standards."

"Life would be so much easier if it had an unfollow button."

"When pearl jam comes on and you're like... It doesn't get Eddie Vedder than this"

"I choose which country to root for in the Olympics by what cuisine I'm hungry for at the moment. Go Italy! #gnocchi2014"

"Boss: Staff meeting at 3:00. Me: I can't come, I'm allergic. Boss: But we're not serving food. Me: ... yeah now I really can't come."

"I want a job cleaning mirrors It's something I could really see myself doing."

"Never ask white Americans what their ethnicity is unless you wanna hear a list of every European country and meaningless fractions."

"How did the depressed man get around town? Moped"