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Joke of the Day

"I choose which country to root for in the Olympics by what cuisine I'm hungry for at the moment. Go Italy! #gnocchi2014"

"I advise you, don't mess with me, I know karate, kung fu, judo, tae kwon do, jujitsu, and 28 other dangerous words."

"Reddit is like cancer it's much bigger than you thought."

"My father once gave me ""the talk"" Storks bring white babies. Crows bring black babies. Swallows bring no babies."

"What do you get when a cow jumps over a barbed-wire fence? Udder destruction!"

"If at first you don't succeed, GREAT. Now you know not to waste your time on that ever again. Fuck that shit. Lesson learned."

"Your mother is like a brick Flat on both sides and laid by mexicans"

"A flat earth conspiracist was boasting about how many people believe that the Earth is flat... He said, ""We have supporters all around the globe!!!"""

"Me: ""Can I put this sweatshirt in the dryer?"" Wife: ""Well, what does it say on it?"" Me: ""Buffalo Sabres."" Wife: ""You're an idiot"""

"Mom: I'm worried you might end up alone. nMe: Don't worry mom, do you know how many followers i have???nMom: ... ( Worried face)"