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Joke of the Day

"What did the dog say to the old tree? #Bark"

"I like my women like I like my antiques. . . Oriental and fragile."

"There's no way smoking meth is as addictive or stressful as watching Breaking Bad."

"Now you can handle those nasty cuts from the comfort of your home... ... with ""Suture Self""."

"Why is Peter Pan always flying? Because he Neverlands!"

" I don't do different things... It's just that I do things differently!"

"Kissing someone mid sentence is only cute in movies. I will press my hand against your face and slowly push it way until I'm done talking."

"[meeting her parents] GF (whispering): Please don't make a scene ME (angry-whispering): You told me there'd be cheese"

"[SKYRIM JOKE] Why didn't the Nords win the theater audition? They should have acted."

"Why wouldn't Chad Kroeger (lead singer of Nickelback) have sex with Helen Keller? Because she's a woman!"