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Joke of the Day

"[accidentally hits Siri in high school classroom] Siri: what can I do for you, #1 God of Sex? [every boy in the class checks their phone]"

"I leave the window open at night hoping a drunk criminal will accidentally drop a bag of money inside while trying to break in."

"My doctor just told me I'm suffering from paranoia. Well he didn't actually say that, but I could tell it was what he was thinking."

"Yo momma so fat, when she stepped on the scale Buzz Lightyear popped up and said ""TO INFINITY... AND BEYOND!"""

"Did you hear about the Spaniard who was obsessed with Greek Mythology? I said to him, ""Jesus?"" and he replied, ""Where's Zeus?"""

"What is the dogs favourite city ? New Yorkie !"

"A jumper cable walks into a bar... The bartender says, ""I'll serve you, but you better not start anything!"""

"What did the voltage say to the current? What's up, ohmie?"

"Black Lives Matter is protesting the Twin Cities Marathon... ...there must be a huge race issue in America"

"I get plenty of exercise - jumping to conclusions, pushing my luck, and dodging deadlines."