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Joke of the Day

"I leave the window open at night hoping a drunk criminal will accidentally drop a bag of money inside while trying to break in."

"What do you call a cow that's had an abortion? Decaffeinated! Bah dum dum...ting"

"I bet rapists can get their straw in a Capri Sun on the first try."

"Today someone was killed with a starter pistol. Police think it might be race related."

"Like most pale people I will be occupying the indoors this summer."

"What did the Reddit admins do for Christmas? [removed]"

"Chuck Norris is the only man who has, literally, beaten the odds. With his fists."

"So, basically Alexa is just some know-it-all with no actual job skills."

"I like my women in the same fashion I like my pencil lead. Thin, black, and easily breakable."

"My Ex Girl Friend: you need to move on and forget about me. Me: how can I forget you when every time I go outside things remind me of you like garbage bins and dog shit."