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Joke of the Day

"the phone in the guy's hand next to me rang, it sounded like my alarm clock, I yelled fuck and smacked it out of his hand on pure reflex"

Next Joke
 
"ME: I'm just gonna take a quick nap. KIDS: Check out the new cirque du soleil show we invented. *living room is on fire*"
"This October has 5 Fridays, 5 Saturdays and 5 Sundays all in one month. It happens only once in 823 years. waw."
"*walking with my girlfriend on a beach* *i get down on one knee* ""will you ma..."" *a dog walks past & farts so loud it drowns out my voice*"
"why do women wear make up and perfume? Because they're ugly and they stink."
"If someone tells you he can swallow a whole coconut... ...let him do it, it means he has complete trust in his anus :d"
"PROFESSOR X: Quick! Magneto, save that bus full of kids! MAGENTO: I think you've got the wrong guy. *turns everything purple*"
"Where do OB/GYNs go to school? Gynecolleges."
"why can't conservatives work at a checkout counter? Because they don't like change..."
"What did the hobo get for Christmas? Nothing."