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Joke of the Day

"ME: I'm just gonna take a quick nap. KIDS: Check out the new cirque du soleil show we invented. *living room is on fire*"

"What is the difference between light and hard? Well, you can sleep with a light on."

"Whenever you feel sad, just remember that somewhere in this world There is an idiot pulling a door that says ""Push"""

"I'll never be able to clean my house faster than when someone texts saying they're coming over."

"Did you hear about the farmer who equipped all his horses with firearms? He was a man who really wanted more bang for his buck."

"Apple fitness products don't work. I tried the iHop and it only made me gain weight."

"Ladies, if you're over 50, you may wanna rethink the cowboy hat. It's terrifying."

"What snooker and women have in common? When pink is blocked by red, you hit the brown."

"I need an ex-boyfriend so I have something to do on Facebook at 3 in the morning."

"Dad: Did you get gas? Me: Ya i got it on the way home from school Dad: Well if you got gas than you better go to the bathroom!"