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Joke of the Day
"Still good at casually flexing my bicep the second before a girl touches it."
Next Joke
"[texting in 1918] *pigeon delivers message* *msg reads: I don't love you* *turns to u* why would u send this? ""it was 6 days ago. I was mad"""
"ME: Would you like a snack? 4: No. As a pure mathematical object, I require no physical sustenance."
"Long John Silver's is the perfect representation of corporate greed. Nearly everything that company does is selfish."
"Mayweather goes 48-0 49-0 if you count his wife"
"Fey items are full of irony."
"Ice cream sandwich listens intently through the wall of the refrigerator as turkey and mayo whisper, ""He's not a real sandwich."""
"My voicemail greeting: Its 2016, please hang up and text me before the beep so I don't get a notification."
"What do a nearsighted gynecologist and a dog have in common? A wet nose."
"Why do you always follow your instinct when doing trigonometry? Beacuse you might have secant thoughts and go off on a tangent"