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Joke of the Day

"[texting in 1918] *pigeon delivers message* *msg reads: I don't love you* *turns to u* why would u send this? ""it was 6 days ago. I was mad"""

"I just killed a pizza boy and now I have to kill another one It's the domino effect"

"Wanna see a banana split? Wait until it turns black and tell it he's the father."

"Sometimes I can't remember what parking lot I left my car in at the mall so I get it Malaysia Airlines...I totally get it."

"The captain of a ship got into a fight with a one eyed monster... Once the fight ended and he had prevailed he said to himself ""I lost a lot of good seamen today..."""

"Marriage is for people who want their break ups to involve paperwork."

"Did you hear about that psychic who performed self-immolation in public today? It's rare to see a medium well done."

"""Does your dad play any sports?"" ""No, my dad hates sports"" *dad walks in* ""Hey there, Sport"""

"My dad always told me to follow in his footsteps... ... he died in quicksand"

"When people try to play games with you, simply choose not to play. Unless it's Naked Twister. Never turn down Naked Twister."