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Joke of the Day

"My voicemail greeting: Its 2016, please hang up and text me before the beep so I don't get a notification."

"Taken 3 ~ It All Ends Here Taken 4 ~ Listen, We're Just As Surprised As You Are Taken 5 ~ Whaaaaat!? Yep..."

"I'm so horrified right now. I'm on the treadmill reading about the bombings in Syria. And my T-shirt's on backwards!"

"Did you hear about the guy who had writers block? He stopped writing and it was"

"(Nsfw) How do you titillate an ocelot? You oscillate their tits a lot. Edit: I need alot (sic) of spelling practice"

"The inventor of the Orgy has died today. Everyone is coming together for his funeral."

"N: Why are you picking up rocks? M: I'm starting a rock band. Neighbor walks away. That is how you get people to leave you alone."

"Why didn't the chicken cross the road? Becoz, its a chicken ... bok bok bawwkkk [insert chicken dance here]"

"Two fish are in a tank... One of them says ""hey, how do you drive this thing.."""

"[God creating cheesecake] GOD: [stuffing his face] oh man this is so good ANGEL: shouldn't u share it? GOD: [creates lactose intolerance]"