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Joke of the Day

"Why do you always follow your instinct when doing trigonometry? Beacuse you might have secant thoughts and go off on a tangent"

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"This is circular logic because this is circular logic."
"Today marks 365 days of sobriety. 364 more to go"
"[job interview] Interviewer: It says here that you are a blowfish. Would you care to expand?"
"Turns out that German pilot was heavily depressed... He brought the whole plane down."
"I assume guys who wear their phones on the hip do so because their pockets are stuffed to the brim with condoms and girls phone numbers"
"Whenever you go to do something, bring a hammer and a screwdriver... the first time it doesn't work, hit it with a hammer. If it doesn't work after that, screw it."
"I was wondering why the baseball was getting bigger, and then it hit me."
"Paul walkers new movie.. The flat and the furious."
"I'm so broke that if my girlfriend leaves me for another guy I swear that I'm going with them."