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Joke of the Day

"What did the monitor say when it got punched? ""Ouch, that Hertz!"""

"You never get a second chance to make a first impression... ...unless you keep a stash of roofies on you at all times."

"I always pictured Madonna playing The Invisible Woman in those Fantastic Four films... ...she would've made a great Immaterial Girl."

"How did Barack propose to Michelle? He got down on one knee and said: ""I don't want to be obamaself"""

"A SQL statement walks into a bar... he confidently walks up to a couple of tables and says, ""May I join you?""."

"I was going to go as a worthless piece of garbage for Halloween... ...but then I realized I go as that every day of the year."

"Professor i'd like an extension on my paper. why? well my ex just got married & i have to comment ""lame"" on all her wedding pics on facebook"

"The reason God calls all of us his children is so he can claim us all as dependents."

"Women defy physics. The heavier they get, the easier they are to pick up."

"I gave my wife one last chance to suck my dick... She blew it."