217226

Joke of the Day

"What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing...it just let out a little wine."

"Q: How many Librans does it take to change a lightbulb? A: Er two. Or maybe one. No --- on second thoughts make that two. Is that okay with you?"

"At the state fair I realized none of my troubles matter when you dip them in batter"

"JUDY: What did the ghosts say to Santa Claus? MIKE: We'll have a boo Christmas without you."

"The circles under my eyes are so dark, Animal Planet is following me around filming a documentary about a raccoon out of its natural habitat"

"Marvin Gaye's Last Day on Earth Marvin (holding present): Happy Birthday Dad!!! Dad: Marvin, if this is another tie, I'm gonna kill you."

"According to WebMC, I be illin'."

"Cosmetology school was a real letdown. Anyone wanna buy a spacesuit?"

"I always sleep naked. I don't care if it makes people uncomfortable, they can just switch buses."

"Why are redneck murders so hard to solve? Because all the DNA matches and there's no dental records."