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Joke of the Day

"According to WebMC, I be illin'."

"UK Scientist: We've engineered a new species of cyanobacteria U.S. scientist: We've made pigs in a blanket 50% piggier"

"Neighbour: if your son doesn't stop playing drums right now I'll lose my mind!! Me: too late...he's stopped half an hour ago"

"What's the difference between Kung-Fu and Judo? One is the ancient art of self defense. The other is what you make bagels out of."

"I ate four bowls of Alphabet Soup... Then I had a massive vowel movement"

"Laughter is the best medicine. Unless you have herpes. Laugh all you want. You'll still have herpes."

"Why can't Australians play chess? They keep saying check, mate."

"[bday party] Mum: happy birthday son Me: wow that's a huge cake! Mum: its full of bees Me: what Mum [backing away]: I said it's cream cheese"

"TREE: [sees christmas tree thru window] who dose he think he is. all dressed up. too good to be outside ANOTHER TREE: be nice, he is dying"

"Can you believe that after all the shit they've been through, they're still together? My Buttcheeks ((_"