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Joke of the Day

"My husband thinks it's really weird I only like green bananas and I think it's really weird I have a husband."

"What do tornados and black people have in common? It only takes one to ruin a neighborhood"

"I accidentally sent my essay to a 3D printer It came out as a pile of shit."

"I decided to put certified SCUBA diver on my resume. That way they know I can handle intense pressure on the job."

"What's the difference between a baby and an ounce of Coke? Eric Clapton would never drop an ounce of Coke out of a window"

"What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo? A hippo is very large and heavy, and a zippo is just a little lighter."

"Nurse: ""Oh jeez, was that you that fell 20 ft out of the tree?"" I don't know, I wasn't counting. Not much of a joke but it was hilarious when my grandpa said it at the hospital (happened to him ofc)."

"I'm trying to convince this guy that 'jesus is the reason for the season' but loansharks have a different perspective"

"Son: ""Dad! My lsd is missing!"" Dad: ""We have bigger problems son, there's a dragon in the kitchen."""

"What do you get when you take the circumference of a jack'olantern? Pumpkin pie!"