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Joke of the Day

"Son: ""Dad! My lsd is missing!"" Dad: ""We have bigger problems son, there's a dragon in the kitchen."""

"ok guys the gofundme I set up to hire a hitman to kill me is already at 3x its goal you can stop contributing"

"Why did the blind lady fall into the well? Because... she couldn't see that well."

"What did the pirate say when he turned 80 Aye matey."

"Me: why did you stop me? Cop: for starters you're not wearing a seatbelt. Me: what about main course? Cop: step out of the car."

"if a rabbit's foot brings good luck then, what happened to the rabbit?"

"What is the dumbest animal in the jungle? A polar bear"

"My friend asked me if goldfish suffer from depression i said ""Yes, but very briefly..."""

"I hate double standards. If a woman has sex with loads of men she's a slut. but when i do it that makes me gay?"

"""Mary had a little lamb. had."" -wolf"