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Joke of the Day

"Him: I love nerd girls Me: Cool! Did you know the human body can't feel water, only a change in temperature? Him: no. not like that."

"I asked my mother who was her favorite child... She thought for a second and said, ""Do I have to pick one of mine?"""

"I had a 7 course Irish dinner last night A 6 pack of Guinness and a potato"

"Going to spend some quality time with my wife. Be back in 2 minutes."

"They should put a statue of me next to the Statue of Liberty so immigrants know the American Dream is hit or miss."

"What did Consuela say to her boyfriend after he shagged her in the field? Grassy Ass"

"Seasonal Star Wars joke > **Darth Vader**: Luke, I know what you're getting for Christmas. > **Luke**: How? > **Darth Vader**: I felt your presents. EDIT: Formatting"

"Why do goalkeepers spend ages on the Internet? Because they can't stop saving their work."

"Sorry I commented on that video of your kid taking his first steps with ""aw look you taught it how to walk on its hind legs!"""

"How do you know if someone's from Texas? Don't worry, they'll tell you."