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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear the weather forecast for the hiphop festival? ...They're calling for a Lil Wayne"

"I never pay for drinks I just insult women at bars & when they throw drinks in my face I open my mouth haha thanks for the free booze ladies"

"Why did the man drowning in the Nile River think he wasn't going to die? Because he was in de-nile."

"I want so badly for crayons to taste like their color."

"*grammar police reads ransom note* ""Bring the money hear in too days, or she dead"" *grammar cop dies* ""Damn, he had 2 days until retirement"""

"An atheist, a vegan, and a crossfit fanatic walk into a bar... Who talks more?"

"Oh so Paris Hilton can carry a dog in her purse but if I leave my baby in a suitcase behind the chicken restaurant I'm some kind of monster."

"You know why women are bad at parking? Because they are constantly lied to about what 8 inches is."

"Wife: I'm glad you're watching TLC and looking to improve yourself. So who are your new friends? Husband: These would be your Sister Wives"

"Are you gonna tattle to HR every time I threaten to burn your baby? Grow up!"