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Joke of the Day

"""hey man pick 1 or 2"" ""im not picking one"" ""k, 2 it is!"""

"My wife told me her sock had a hole in it. ""Darn it!"" I replied."

"What do lesbians use to get on top of a building? A scissor lift."

"Him: Why are you wrapping me up like a burrito & how did you find a tortilla this big? Me: Shhh! This is my fantasy & burritos don't talk."

"I had a dream that my friend Martin became the ruler of all bath sponges. We called him Martin Loofah King."

"What do you call a ghost that stays out all night? Afresh air freak."

"What's the cheapest kind of meat? Deer testicals they're under a buck."

"Whenever I see a middle-aged guy trying desperately to hang onto his youth, I always think ""I should move this mirror""."

"""Do you know how fast you were going?"" 75 in a 55. I'm sorry officer. ""Get out of the car."" *Cop cuddles driver* ""Stop doing this. I worry."""

"Someone asked me what the sound of one hand clapping was so I slapped his face."