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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about the Polak who won a Gold medal in the Olympics? He was so proud he took it home and had it bronzed."

"What do you call a thick wire made of phone batteries? Likable"

"What do you call martial arts for cows? Mooey Thai."

"I'll stab someone if they hurt my kids. Or touch my nachos."

"5 years ago, I asked the love of my life on a date. Yesterday, I asked her to marry me. She said no both times. Posted this on r/funny and was told to post it here also."

"I shouldn't. Ambien: YES. You should. But I'm naked. A: EXACTLY. Ok, fine. *stands up* I HAVE A REASON THESE TWO SHOULD NOT BE WED!"

"Facebook: Adele is such an inspiration. Instagram: Adele looking beautiful in her gown. Twitter: Adele sounds like a chimney sweeper."

"Why was 7 arrested for homicide? Because somebody divided 14 into 2 and he was the prime suspect"

"me: [raises hand] my date: again, that's not necessary"

"Everyone should learn how to masturbate properly. It comes in handy"