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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a vietnamese turkey? Gobbledy gook."

"I like my jokes how I like my babies. Stolen and beaten to death."

"Tan lines are like highlighter for your most awesome body parts."

"What's the matter? Hydrogen, mostly."

"What's tall, white and has ears? A mountain."

"Based on his ability to hide poop, my cat would be the worst criminal of all time."

"What do you get if you cross a bear and a wolf? You get eaten is what you get. Stop upsetting scary animals."

"In the time it took you to read this, Woody Allen made another film and it starred some big names and it was ok and now it's on DVD already"

"Brain: Walk up to her and offer her a drink. Me: I WANT TO DRINK YOU LIKE A SIPPY CUP. Brain: Can you actually hear me?"

"PARK RANGER: to be a guide you need to be able to name all the animals ME: no problem [later w/ a group] ME: that's Greg, & that's Linda..."