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Joke of the Day

"I like my jokes how I like my babies. Stolen and beaten to death."

"Come on guys, lemme back in the gang! I'm real good at crimes! ""No"" Why? ""YOU GOT ARRESTED BY A POLICE HORSE CARL HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE"""

"Go to work tomorrow with a new attitude. Be positive! Communicate! Hide when real work comes!"

"I'm teaching my dog to jump through burning hoops. This is my 12th dog."

"I called work and told them I have Anal Glaucoma... Just couldn't see my ass coming in today."

"My kids don't beg for toys and I realized it's because they never get to see commercials Because they're locked in a cage"

"What does a guy who can predict the lottery numbers 99% of the time have in common with the letters C, D, G, H, J, K, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y, and Z? They're not infallible"

"How does a black man laugh? They snigger."

"My uncle was an exercise fanatic. When he died, we had a closed casket funeral, because he liked to do sit ups."

"""I'll have to report you sir"" said the traffic cop to the speeding driver. ""You were doing 85 miles an hour."" ""Nonsense officer"" declared the driver. ""I've only been in the car for ten minutes."""