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Joke of the Day

"""Honey, wouldn't you like to go back to the 60s?"" ""Of course not! I like today's technology too much."" ""But honey I'm talking about kilos you fat cow"""

"I try to accomplish epic missions before the microwave hits zero."

"A woman, two Hispanics, a black guy, and a white guy all walk into a bar... They then run for the Republican nomination for President"

"MY NEIGHBOR CAT MITZI JUST LET ME PET HER FOR THE FIRST TIME IN 2 YRS NOTHING ELSE MATTERS RIGHT NOW ONLY MITZI & I EXIST"

"I hope that the missing puzzle piece my 5 year old has been searching the house for has nothing to do with my 2 year old's burp."

"What did the banana say to the orange? Fruit can't talk"

"I parked in the ""C"" section of the parking lot. So, naturally, I had to climb out of the sunroof."

"How many apples a day does it take to keep everybody else away"

"What does Mr. Miyagi do during his alone time? Whacks on, whacks off."

"I was in Brazil last night, and 3 women approached me and wanted to have sex. It was like winning the lottery. 6 matching balls."