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Joke of the Day

"I was in Brazil last night, and 3 women approached me and wanted to have sex. It was like winning the lottery. 6 matching balls."

"What does an impatient cow say? Mooove the fuck out my way"

"A whale asks his dad ""Dad where do I come from"" The father whale replies, ""well from my penis"" ""Oh. Thanks."" Responded.the junior whale ""You're whalecum"""

"Want to hear a quality joke about knives? On second thought, I can't tell it. It's too edgy"

"You say I'm handsome but you also said your employer cancelled your optical coverage & you haven't had new glasses in 4 years, but thanks."

"Muhammad Ali walks into a bar So Muhammad Ali walks into a bar and orders a drink. He gives the bartender ceramic money. The Bartender says ""I can't accept this your Cash Is Clay"""

"Why can't the French cook two eggs? Because one egg is *un oeuf*"

"[Fitbit commercial with me] BEFORE: lazy guy AFTER: lazy guy who had $129"

"I don't trust public opinion polls because they don't take into consideration the fact that the public is made up of mostly idiots."

"If Seal was my friend, I would never miss an opportunity to ask him, ""Wanna go clubbing?"""