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Joke of the Day

"MY NEIGHBOR CAT MITZI JUST LET ME PET HER FOR THE FIRST TIME IN 2 YRS NOTHING ELSE MATTERS RIGHT NOW ONLY MITZI & I EXIST"

"When your toddlers are teenagers don't forget to wake them at 5am because your sock came off"

"Q: Can February March? No. But April May!"

"My wife laughed at me because I struggled to get a proper full on erection, I told her ""Its a lot harder than it looks"""

"It's my wife's birthday soon. She said she wanted something with diamonds so I got her a deck of cards."

"That awkward moment when the Priest uses YOUR confession as the theme for his sermon. Again."

"How do you know if a black woman is pregnant? Stick a banana up her cooter, if it comes out half eaten, you've got a monkey on the way!"

"What's the difference between a bus driver and a cold? A bus driver knows the stops and a cold stops the nose."

"Never commit a crime while working out Lest you get ill gotten gainz."

"My GOD there is nothing on earth I want to eat more than this Bath & Body Works candle"