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Joke of the Day

"Your favorite one liner/quick joke? When bored at work I snapchat jokes to friends. Need new material. Could use your favorite short joke."

"What kind of tie does a ghost wear to a formal party? A boo-tie."

"Me: my best friend is my wife Everyone: awwww My Best Friend Carl: FOR THE LAST TIME, I AM NOT YOUR WIFE"

"[during sex] HER: this isn't working out ME: *putting sock puppet away* was it something he said?"

"I just rode the scariest ride called SPIDER DESCENDING FROM THE CEILING OF MY CAR INTO MY LAP WHILE DRIVING 70 MPH"

"What do woman and KFC have in common After the breast and the thigh there is nothing left but a greasy box to stick your bone in."

"Just saw The Martian. If Matt Damon was alone on Mars, who was filming him that whole time? Clearly fake"

"Why did the chicken cross the road? It was actually a double cross. He had to cross the road in order to gain the trust of the other side."

"HAVE SOME FUN WITH YOUR LIFE: Whisper ""You should have killed me when you had the chance"" to the person in the bathroom stall next to you."

"The way I deal with my drinking problems is every time I want a drink I go to the gym. They have a bar there."