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Joke of the Day

"Me: my best friend is my wife Everyone: awwww My Best Friend Carl: FOR THE LAST TIME, I AM NOT YOUR WIFE"

"I told my Mom that I was going to the Apple store and she said, ""You sound like you're 4 - it's the grocery store""."

"LPT: Don't trust everything you read on Facebook Unless it's the pope endorsing Trump. That definitely happened."

"Why did the New Yorker sleep under an oil tank? He wanted to wake up oily."

"You know why cannibals don't eat divorced women? They're bitter. Garrison Keillor"

"Think what you will about Obama, But so far he's the best black president we've ever had."

"I don't know what all this fuss is about Same Sex Marriage! Me and my wife have been having the same sex for 21yrs! It's boring but it isn't worth getting all upset over!!!"

"Detective: ok forensics is finished. I'll start here and you- Dog cop: I'll mark our territory [dog cop pees around the crime scene tape]"

"My MOM Says Life is A Race Life iS A Tragedt When SeeN In CloSE-UP, LONG-SHOT. To Truly Laugh, You Must be Able to Take Your PAIN, And PLAY With iT!"

"Why does a Frenchman never eat more than one egg at breakfast? (for those linguistically aware Redditors among you) Because one egg is un oeuf"