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Joke of the Day

"The way I deal with my drinking problems is every time I want a drink I go to the gym. They have a bar there."

"What did King Midas say to the centaur? Stay gold, Ponyboy."

"I love how all the characters in kids shows are always SO thrilled while at work. Like Bob never gets pissed over a missing screwdriver."

"Pretzels Two pretzels were walking down the street. One got assaulted."

"Did you hear about the hipster who burnt his tongue? He took a bite before it was cool."

"I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy"

"My nephew hated working outside in landscaping, so I got him a job in the twin towers; I don't know why he keeps complaining about it being an inside job"

"We saw a patient in the emergency room today... He had fallen into an upholstering machine. It was touch and go for a while but... &nbsp; ...he's fully recovered."

"Why didn't Mark Hamill go crazy while voice acting as the Joker? Because he overcame the dark side"

"What did one buttcheck say to the other buttcheck? After all the shit that has been between us, we will never be apart."