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Joke of the Day

"The bartender asks, ""what can I get you?"" A neutrino walks into a bar. (See it arrived before it set off... myeh)"

"I've been really impressed by igloos. They're all white houses."

"Really struggling on what to get my lady for Christmas this year. I mean, I'd hate to get her the same thing as her Husband does. That would be embarrassing"

"Why couldn't the pornstar join the navy? There was too much seamen."

"Mum thinks she's Dad. **Dad:** Honey, where oh where is a pair of my underwear? **Mum:** Your underwear is under there. **Dad:** Under where? **Mum:** Yes."

"Don't ask God to cure cancer & world poverty. He's too busy finding you a parking space & fixing the weather for your barbecue."

"Me: I just broke a nail. WebMD: Finger cancer."

"Where does a tugboat go when it feels sick? To the Dock"

"""Vintage designer purses are not a retirement plan,"" says my accountant while rubbing his temples."

"14 years ago tonight, a loaf of frozen reindeer shit fell from the sky & struck my father, killing him instantly."