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Joke of the Day

"Don't ever buy your shoes from your drug dealer. I think he laced mine with something, I've been tripping all day"

"Chuck Norris' erections hum."

"[loud crashes] Me: What was that? 4-year-old: Nothing. Me: 4: Me: OK. Parenting is easier than it looks."

"Lost a couple FB friends overnight. Hopefully they just died and it wasn't something I said..."

"Why couldn't the Ghostbusters ever finish Oregon Trail? Because they couldn't cross the streams."

"Going to McDonald's for a salad is like going to a whorehouse for a hug."

"I just watched ""the Martian"" - What an unrealistic movie... ...Sean Bean survives."

"Two redditors walk into a bar"

"I bet by the time you were done listening to The Fray's ""How to Save a Life,"" the person choking on their food would be dead already."

"My girlfriend always keep her boobs pressed against my face when she asks me for expensive things.She calls it the ""Booby trap"""