21545

Joke of the Day

"[At job interview] Interviewer: Do you have a police record? Me: No. But I do have a few of their albums on cassette *hires me instantly"

"Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a minute, but set him on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life."

"The Counselor was talking to the campers about safety. She said 'Don't climb any trees. If you fall down and break a leg don't come running to me!'"

"If the Jews are God's chosen people, then why did God bother creating gentiles? Well, someone has to pay retail."

"*Trains lightning bugs to spell* Karen, they have a message for u WILL YOU M- ""Omg Yes!"" OVE OUT? Oh good. Here I packed your bags already."

"My mother has now been sending me a Valentine's card for 28 years. She's persistent but I'm not interested."

"Have you heard about the Butchers 420 Dodgeball Classic? It's a high steaks game."

"Me as the astronaut in that Martian movie: ""Day 1 I have enough food to last 459 days"" ""Day 2 I now have enough food to last 170 days"""

"What do they say about a rapper who stole a dictionary? He got a way with words."

"A man started a business in Afghanistan. He's making landmines that look like prayer mats. ""It's going well,"" he said. ""Prophets are going through the roof."""