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Joke of the Day

"2012 me can't believe 2005 me actually knew 8 people I liked enough to put in a MySpace Top 8."

"Alcohol is a perfect solvent: It dissolves marriages, families and careers."

"Why is Budweiser just like having sex on a boat? Because both are fucking close to water..."

"Aww, it's so cute when you try to talk about things you don't understand."

"My friend just got a pool table for Christmas so he gave me a call inviting me around for a pool tournament with the boys. I said thanks for the invite but I prefer to pool by myself."

"If i had a dollar for every Girl who found me unattractive... They will finally find me attractive"

"Your greatness is measured by the font-size of your obituary."

"Two thieves were caught with a load of stolen batteries and fireworks... ...one of them was charged, and the other was let off."

"The average life expectancy for a human being is one life."

"Why did Johnny teach the cockatoo to do a front flip? So he could say he flipped the bird. ^I'm^not^very^good^at^these"