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Joke of the Day

"When you are young you want to be the master of your fate and the captain of your soul. When you are older you will settle for being the master of your weight and the captain of your bowling team."

"What do a pedophiles hopes and bingo have in common? B7...B7..."

"People complain about auto-correct but it is helpful 99% of the titties."

"I used to hate tumors But then they grew on me"

"I told the cop I was an upstanding citizen But I was really lying"

"What did the white collar executive say to the low-income disenfranchised youth? Nothing. Social dichotomy prevents the establishment of dialogue."

"What's the difference between a Palestinian woman and a Mackerel? ... One is greasy with big eyes. The other's a fish."

"I ran into a one armed fisherman I asked if he had any luck. He said ""yea caught one this big"" This joke works better in person."

"Man at the bar... ""...Are you Jamaican? Because Jamaican me crazy! Woman responds: ""No, I'm Finnish. Finnished with this conversation!"""""

"Light a fire for a man, he'll be warm for the night. Light a man on fire, he'll be warm for the rest of his life."