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Joke of the Day

"Wow! This whole being up early is neat; it's like daytime but sooner! Huh! The birds... they sound, you know, pretty! It's all a bit scary."

"I used to have a job; ""I used to have a job at a calendar factory but I got the sack because I took a couple of days off."""

"What do you get if you cross King Kong with a snowman? Frostbite."

"i take my gf on a balloon ride to propose. a field of wild flowers spells Women Are Crooks. ""oops sorry."" i apologize. ""that ones for my dad"

"What's the difference between a Ritz and a lesbian? One is a snack cracker and the other is a crack snacker."

"What's the similarity between a pizza delivery guy and a gynecologist? They both work with crust."

"LPT: To baby-proof your home: put your front doorknob like 4 feet off the ground so the babies can't reach it. Then those fuckers won't get in!"

"What do you call a fly that literally can't even?"

"How does an Australian clean is bum? Bidet, mate."

"Hey, girl at the gym that keeps moving to the opposite corner every time I get on the machine next to you, yes, I feel the chemistry too."