215063

Joke of the Day

"Cop: You there! Hands over your head! Me: *raises hands* *30 avocados fall out of shirt* Cop: Holy guacamole!"

"What is Mary and Joesph's Favorite Snack? Jeez-its"

"Holy crap what a wank... I really took a beating back there."

"I always enjoy sharing old memories with the @sshole from my old high school... while he is ringing up my groceries."

"Charles Dickens walks into a bar He orders a martini. The bartender asks, ""olive or twist?"""

"I've seen people tear a phone book in half with their bare hands & I just had to use scissors to open a bagged salad."

"I didn't know how to put this gently so I drew you a picture. That's you. Now, see the guy choking you? That's me."

"What floats on water and goes quick? A South African duck"

"Things 2010 owes me: 1. Transporters 2. Jetpacks 3. Laser boobs"

"""Is that old Chinese food in the trash? There's Q-tips in there too? AND a bag of my poop? This is gonna be so good!"" --dogs"