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Joke of the Day

"""Is that old Chinese food in the trash? There's Q-tips in there too? AND a bag of my poop? This is gonna be so good!"" --dogs"

"Two wires at sea Two wires were on an ocean cruise when the ship sprung a leak and sank. The solid core wire managed to climb into a lifeboat and head to safety. The other was stranded."

"""Well grandma,"" I said, ""this is where you will be staying eventually, do you like it? "" She shouted, ""Will you fuck off and let me visit your granddad's grave in peace!"""

"Sex with me is like bowling. Lots of drinking and cursing. Sticking your fingers in weird holes. You have to rent shoes."

"Why do they refer to network ports as female? Because when they stop talking to you, you never know why."

"Imagine being 5 minutes from the end of the longest movie ever & it starts over because it forgot something. That's my kid telling a story."

"What does a junkie use for protection during sex? a bus shelter"

"Are you the square root of -100? Cause you're the only 10i see."

"My dealer needed to do laundry so i sold him a dime bag of quarters."

"If you crossed a cow with a goat what would you get? Half and half!"