196062

Joke of the Day

"[spider's junk email folder] -TURN YOUR WEBS INTO $$$$ -HOT SPIDERS ON YOUR CEILING WANT TO MEET YOU -TRY THE ULTIMATE 8 LEG DIET TODAY"

"Knock Knock Knock knock Who's there? Nobody Nobody who? ..."

"The jokes on you Doctor: ""I'm sorry but you suffer from a terminal illness and have only 10 to live."" Patient: ""What do you mean, 10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?!"" Doctor: ""Nine."""

"Q: Why are crocodiles brown and flat? A: Because if they were yellow and round, they'd be lemons."

"It must've been so fun to live in ancient Egypt because everything you wrote was an emoji"

"Relationship status: Sitting in Home Depot parking lot, car hood open, and asking men if they can jump me."

"One time I got fired for being too drunk. Not for being drunk. For being too drunk. I miss that place."

"Someone should invent a version of Twitter for people who spell things like rappers. They could call it ""twita"". Dat would b nize"

"What's blue and has big ears ? An elephant at the North Pole !"

"I thought my vasectomy would keep my wife from getting pregnant... ...but apparently it just changes the color of the baby."