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Joke of the Day

"LPT: Always sneeze when calling in sick to work So your boss always ""nose"" that you are really sick."

"Seize the day. Repossess the evening. Impound last week. Forcibly confiscate the entire month of September."

"I spilled coffee on my laptop. now it won't go into sleep mode.."

"A court ruled that sharing click-baits is punishable by death. What happens next will shock you."

"You know those slices of American cheese you get from the supermarket? You're not going to be able to buy those anymore. Since Trump is going to make America grate again, apparently."

"What do you call a doctor that graduated at the bottom of their class? Doctor."

"[leaving store without bag] Cashier: Forgetting something? ""Oh wow, how embarrassing"" *walks back to give her a hug and kiss on the lips*"

"Joke of the Day 6/13/14 I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day. Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair."

"""woof woof"" -my neighbor's dog telling me his views on abortion lol nigga idk if i can agree on this one"

"A girl says to a salesman, ""I'm not sure if I should buy a sweatshirt or a windbreaker."" He says, ""Well, that depends. Are you gonna sweat, or are you gonna break wind?"""