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Joke of the Day

"Seize the day. Repossess the evening. Impound last week. Forcibly confiscate the entire month of September."

"I shaved all the hair of my girlfriend's cat. Hopefully she takes the hint."

"What did the stupid ghost do? He used to climb over walls."

"I went to a feminist picnic the other day... It was great, apart from the fact that no one made any sandwiches."

"How many people with ADD does it take to change a light bulb? Lets go ride a bike!"

"My girlfriend found lipstick in my jacket pocket. I told her straight up I was cheating. There's no way that I was going to confess that I sell Avon"

"What do you call an angry pastry? A croissant"

"My dyslexic brother made ginger bread yesterday. Poor Tyrone.."

"[Dark] What is black on the bottom and white on top? Society."

"I was engaged to a zombie but it fell apart."